2AM-WONDER IF YOU HURT LIKE ME TOO T.T
People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that... I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles... and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.
There's one thing a quote does that nothing and no one else can do... it can become a part of you. You may never meet the person who said it but that person is now a companion. Quotes help you get over pain, feel love, make you smile and laugh, and helps you through those though tough days when you think that no one knows what you're going through.
Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it that it made you cry? And didn't you with that you could go back into time when everything seemed so much simpler and carefree? Those are songs that are the soundtrack of our lives... the ones that bring back childhood memories, best friends, first love, first heartbreak... the memories.
Everything that ever caused a tear to trickle down my cheek, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten time more.
It's the loneliest feeling in the world - to find yourself standing up when everyone else is sitting down. To have everybody look at you and say "what's the matter with her?" I know what it feels like. Walking down an empty street, listening to the sound of your own footsteps. Shutters closed, blinds drawn, doors locked against you. And you aren't sure whether you're walking toward something, or if you're just walking away.
Okay, maybe, just maybe, there's another part of me, another girl, that lives deep inside of me. And maybe every once in awhile she cuts loose and does things that would blow some peoples minds. But if you ever mention her, or anything she might have done tonight, to another person, I will completely deny knowing anything about her.
Do you ever get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody? You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being along never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, or end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's to happen next.
Did it surprise you that I am not who you thought I was? Did it surprise you to find that I don't exactly stand for what you thought I stood for all along? Did it surprise you to find that I'm not exactly how I played myself out to be? That the person you thought I was is actually nothing to what I am
But its ironic because that's how I live my life. I smile on the outside, and everyone thinks I'm doing fine but I'm always dieing inside, always one step away from the edge you know? I can't be happy to be who I am because I don't know who I am anymore.
Sometimes they take people, and they don't say why,
sometimes people leave and they never say goodbye,
sometimes there are no second chances to say I love you, sometimes there are no next times, sometimes you lose someone and you feel like your heart has followed them to heaven and sometimes there is just nothing you can do to make the tears stop.
sometimes people leave and they never say goodbye,
sometimes there are no second chances to say I love you, sometimes there are no next times, sometimes you lose someone and you feel like your heart has followed them to heaven and sometimes there is just nothing you can do to make the tears stop.
It's hard to accept, but you can't change the past. You can't go back and manipulate things to the way you wanted them to happen. Because life'd be meaningless and boring and just not worth living. But you can change the future and that's a beautiful thing about life. Yes, you will make mistakes. And yes, you will have bad days - but as long as you let the past go, you'll have such a gorgeous and bright future ahead of you. Knowing that things were meant to happen. Knowing that each day you will learn something so that you keep growing to be a better person. Life is like a rope, twined in all its complexities and yet weaved into one marvelous stream that you have the chance you use something amazing from. So grab hold of it.
Sometimes there are things in our life that aren't meant to stay. Sometimes change may not be what we want. Sometimes change is what we really need. And sometimes saying goodbye is the hardest thing you think you'll ever have to do, but sometimes it's saying 'hello again' that breaks you down and makes you the most vulnerable person you'll ever know. Sometimes change is too much to bear, but most of the time change is the only thing saving your life.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares. Sometimes I feel like no one is there. Sometimes I want to kill myself. Sometimes I think I need some help. Sometimes I feel like I'm alone. Sometimes I'm in an empty zone. Sometimes I feel like I'm not alive. Sometimes I wonder if I'm deprived. Sometimes I think the world should end. Sometimes I think I have no friends. Sometimes I want to make them see that sometimes I wish I wasn't me...
Maybe some people just aren't meant to stay in our lives forever, maybe some people are just passing through. It's like some people just come through our lives to bring us something, a lesson we need to learn, and that's why they are there.
