ummm..
i do feel like i can't keep up with today's world.
people now wear shawls etc
i'm still with tudung silang hahaha
no that's just the little unimportant stuff
hmmmm
i feel like i..can't keep up even if i want to
it's like if i try to keep up, it's gonna drain my strength.
all i wanna do is curl up into a ball.
do nothing.meet nobody.
i don't want to listen to anybody' updates
or care about anything.
i'm confused of who i should be.
i no longer find comfort or peace in whatever i loved to do.
i feel like things aren't the way they used to be,
i hate these changes that are happening around me.
it feels uncomfortable. it's not safe.
i read about something called dissociative fugue state.
it was interesting.
and i also read about different opinions on rulings on suicide due to psychological problems.
and that was interesting too.
well if you're aware that you're crazy, that means you're not.
RANT
I don't know if this is just temporary or not.
But i don't like it.
I feel so restless.
I'm not gonna lie but I've been thinking of leaving everything for a while and go somewhere else.
But hey,you can't run away from your problems forever right?
I hate myself.
No, I love myself but I hate seeing how much I've changed.
It feels like I'm just another burden to everyone.
I'm not as clever as everyone else. I don't have many friends. Most people can't stay with me longer than a year. So yeah, I'm the loner that hurts everyone.
I'm not as rich as everyone else. I don't do makeup,I'm not fashionable. I'm fat and not skinny like those damn twigs.
Honestly,if I didn't get this scholarship..I'd have no money to further my study.
I don't really wanna study.
I just wanted a chance to leave my family.
I saw a video on FB of a woman who caught her husband cheating.
The next thing I know,I was crying like hell.
I remembered things that I thought I'd never think of em ever again.
I said to my mom that I love her and I'm sorry she had to go thru all of that.
Then I realised that I still can't forgive my dad for what he did.
He betrayed our trust. How the hell can i forgive him?
And i still have to call him 'abah'. That sucks. I even wanted to erase his name off my IC.
And I hate it when everyone talks about their dads. Shut up!
I'm barely able to hold myself from losing it. I can cry anytime.
I'm so scared to call anyone my bestfriend. I don't want to be left again.
I can't imagine getting married and being cheated on by my husband. If he cheats, I'll kill him. (Kidding..maybe I'll just beat him to a pulp)
This post is so random.
But i don't like it.
I feel so restless.
I'm not gonna lie but I've been thinking of leaving everything for a while and go somewhere else.
But hey,you can't run away from your problems forever right?
I hate myself.
No, I love myself but I hate seeing how much I've changed.
It feels like I'm just another burden to everyone.
I'm not as clever as everyone else. I don't have many friends. Most people can't stay with me longer than a year. So yeah, I'm the loner that hurts everyone.
I'm not as rich as everyone else. I don't do makeup,I'm not fashionable. I'm fat and not skinny like those damn twigs.
Honestly,if I didn't get this scholarship..I'd have no money to further my study.
I don't really wanna study.
I just wanted a chance to leave my family.
I saw a video on FB of a woman who caught her husband cheating.
The next thing I know,I was crying like hell.
I remembered things that I thought I'd never think of em ever again.
I said to my mom that I love her and I'm sorry she had to go thru all of that.
Then I realised that I still can't forgive my dad for what he did.
He betrayed our trust. How the hell can i forgive him?
And i still have to call him 'abah'. That sucks. I even wanted to erase his name off my IC.
And I hate it when everyone talks about their dads. Shut up!
I'm barely able to hold myself from losing it. I can cry anytime.
I'm so scared to call anyone my bestfriend. I don't want to be left again.
I can't imagine getting married and being cheated on by my husband. If he cheats, I'll kill him. (Kidding..maybe I'll just beat him to a pulp)
This post is so random.
