I don't know if this is just temporary or not.
But i don't like it.
I feel so restless.
I'm not gonna lie but I've been thinking of leaving everything for a while and go somewhere else.
But hey,you can't run away from your problems forever right?
I hate myself.
No, I love myself but I hate seeing how much I've changed.
It feels like I'm just another burden to everyone.
I'm not as clever as everyone else. I don't have many friends. Most people can't stay with me longer than a year. So yeah, I'm the loner that hurts everyone.
I'm not as rich as everyone else. I don't do makeup,I'm not fashionable. I'm fat and not skinny like those damn twigs.
Honestly,if I didn't get this scholarship..I'd have no money to further my study.
I don't really wanna study.
I just wanted a chance to leave my family.
I saw a video on FB of a woman who caught her husband cheating.
The next thing I know,I was crying like hell.
I remembered things that I thought I'd never think of em ever again.
I said to my mom that I love her and I'm sorry she had to go thru all of that.
Then I realised that I still can't forgive my dad for what he did.
He betrayed our trust. How the hell can i forgive him?
And i still have to call him 'abah'. That sucks. I even wanted to erase his name off my IC.
And I hate it when everyone talks about their dads. Shut up!
I'm barely able to hold myself from losing it. I can cry anytime.
I'm so scared to call anyone my bestfriend. I don't want to be left again.
I can't imagine getting married and being cheated on by my husband. If he cheats, I'll kill him. (Kidding..maybe I'll just beat him to a pulp)
This post is so random.
1 comments:
I feel the same like you do sis. Im not pretty or fashionable, nor do I have many friends. They make fun of me behind my back but it doesnt hurt cos I dont put high hopes on them. The only thing that hurt is I give too much, my money, my time only to be treated like that.But I moved on, u have low self esteem sis. I think u need to have a hobby like reading or watching movies n u can talk about it with your friends. Find postive friends that accept u but before that u must love urself first. Ure a smart person too. Enrich urself with new facts and fun activities. Talk to new people. That way u will feel better. Youre amazing n beautiful just the way you are. :D love,me ^^ ( n yes im a stranger but I like to make ppl happy hehe)
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